


Dragon Age Characters As Things Me And My Friends Have Said

by TheGayWritingNerd



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Dragon Age - Freeform, Funny, Hilarious, Random - Freeform, bored, dumb, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 13:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGayWritingNerd/pseuds/TheGayWritingNerd





	1. Chapter 1

This is basically just gonna be all the stupid shit me and my friends say as DA characters, enjoy lol 


	2. Dragon Age Origins

**Leliana walking in on Morrigan and Wynne.**

**Morrigan:** WHAT NO! I DIDN'T KILL YOUR SPIDER

 **Wynne:** Thats different.

 **Morrigan:** BUT YOURE GONNA HAVE MY DEMON CHILD GET KILLED? how

 **Wynne:** my spider isn't a fucking demon

 **Morrigan:** BUT I LOVE KIERAN

 **Wynne:** I fucking don't. 

 

 

 **Alistair** :Isn't that Leliana that girl who looks like she's constantly smiling?

 **Morrigan:**  Yeah, she pisses me off.

 **Alistair:** Why?

 **Morrigan:** Shes too nice. Nobody can be that nice. 

 

 

 **HOF:** THIS IS A TRASHHOLD NOT A HOUSEHOLD!

 

 

**HOF watching Morrigan and Alistair argue.**

**Morrigan:** You guys are hella wimps though.

 **Alistair:** I know I'm a wimp. Bold of you to assume I'd be offended

 **Morrigan:** Bold of you to assume I was trying to offend you

 **Alistair:** Bold of you to assume I can assume.

 **Morrigan:** I-

 

 **Zevran:** Yeetus that fetus

 **HOF:** Fetus that Yeetus

 **Zevran:** That yeetus fetus

 **HOF:** That fetus yeetus

 **Zevran:** Fetus yeetus that

 **HOF:**   Yeetus fetus that

 **Zevran:** Yeetus fetus that yeetus fetus

 **HOF:** Fetus yeetus that yeetus fetus

 

 

 **HOF at 3 AM:** cOnfEss yOur sINs aND aLL sHaLl bE aToNeD

 

 

 **Alistair:** One of the kids got sent there for chronic masturbation

 **Alistair staring at Zevran:** That's gonna be you in the future.

 

 

 **Alistair talking about Zevran:** Wish we didn't have to kill him

 **Morrigan:** Too bad. I enjoyed killing his ass

 **Alistair:** WOW

 **Morrigan:** Fucking putting my staff through him was the greatest thing ever. I'd do it again

 

 

 **Zevran:** Ew

 **Alistair:** Gag

 **Leliana:** Yuck

 **Morrigan:** Name a better trio, I'll wait.

 

 

 **Morrigan:** Did you know talking to yourself is actually a sign you're intelligent?

 **Shale:** Wow I better shut up then

 

 

**HOF saying they won't say a secret: ...**

**Morrigan:** say it

 **Alistair:** say it

 **Shale:** say it

 **Zevran:** say it

 

 

 **Sten:** Oghren, what's 4+4

 **Oghren, drunk:** myself

 

 

 **Alistair:** Yeah so basically, I'm fucking crying

 

 

 **Morrigan:** JUST BECAUSE I WEAR BLACK DOESNT MEAN IM EMO

 **Shale:** emo

 **Morrigan:** Fuck you

 **Shale:** Go fuck HOF not me

 **Morrigan:** haha funny

 **Shale:** Funnier than you at least

 

 

 **Alistair talking to HOF:** Lauged.

 **HOF:** IM -*LAUGHED

 **Alistair:** hi -*laughed I'm Alistair

 **HOF:** I hope you drown

 **Alistair:** I hope I do too

 

 

 **HOF:** I AM THE FUCKING MAKER BOW TO ME

 **Sten:** You are nothing but human and shut up we're in orchestra

 

 

 **Leliana:** Sometimes I wonder if I truly am bisexual and not just straight but then I see HOF and realize. I'm a fucking mess.

 **Morrigan:** I don't care.

 

**Leliana talking about how people think Feraldan is the best place to be.**

**Morrigan:** It's because they think they're special, and some are, like HOF

 **HOF:** HEY WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

 **Morrigan:** You're dumb

 **HOF:** No im not

 

 **HOF:** I DROPPED MY FUCKING OREO IN THE MILK

 **Morrigan:** HA

 **HOF:** D:

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Dragon age Inquisition

**Sera:** There are door people at my door.

 **Leliana:** How-

 **Sera:**  Like those religious door people. Yeah, i'm ignoring them

 **Inquistor:** I can't. 

 

 

 **Inquistor:**  Geese are funky dudes.

 **Cullen** : You're on drugs.

 **Inquistor:** Josephine took all my drugs.

 **Cullen:**  .....Can I get them? For research purposes?

 **Josephine:**  no.

 

 

 **Josephine:** Why can't you just be normal gays for once?

 **Hawke, Sera, Dorian, and Iron Bull all at once:** SHUT THE FUCK UP 

 

 

 **Iron Bull:** Bull, yes.

 **Sera:**  Yed.

 **Cassandra:** Bull, no.

 **Iron Bull:**  Shhh, Sera. Bull yES.

 **Cassandra:**  B u l l n o

 **Iron Bull:** y e s

 

 

 **Dorian while winking at male inquistor:** My name's Dorian but you can call me your's. 

 **Mother Giselle:** NO!

 

 

 **Varric showing the inquistor a drawing he found from Cole:** Look!

 **Inquistor:** I'm scared. What the fuck is that.

 

 

 **Inquistor at Iron Bull, Sera, and Dorian:** I am the smartest one here, you are all the stupid gays, me? No. I am smart.

 **Josephine not even looking up from her book:** You forgot how to spell the and you couldn't figure out what 2+2 was.

 **Inquistor:** Shut up. 

 

 

 **Viviene:** I am a queen. Bow to me.

 **Solas:** No.

 

 

 **Inquistor seeing a mabari:** HELLO, WHO'S A GOOD BOY? YOU ARE!

 **Leliana:** We're supposed to be going to lunch.

 **Inquistor:** BUT ITS A DOG!

 **Leliana walking away:** Cats are better.

 

 

 **Iron Bull talking about being with Dorian to Inquistor:** I LOVE HIM

 **Inquistor:** I REMEMBER THE FUTURE

 **Iron Bull:** THIS TIME IS FOR REAL! IVE NEVER LOVED A DUDE FOR THIS LONG ITS ABOUT TO BE 6 MONTHS

 **Inquistor:** YOU SAID THAT ABOUT YOUR EX BOYFRIEND I REMEMBER

 **Iron Bull:** I DIDNT LOVE HIM 

 **Inquistor:** "This is the last guy im liking, I swear, Inquistor."

 **Iron Bull:** YOU TOOK OVER THE WORLD AND MADE ME MEET HIM, HES HOTTER THAN FIRE

 **Inquistor:** BITCH

 **Iron Bull:** HOE

 **Cassandra walking in:** I- I'll be leaving now. 

 

 

 **Inquistor** : Hey Sera.

 **Sera who remembered seeing Josephine and the inquistor kiss:** Hey gay

 

 

 **Cullen and Leliana talking:** So I'm gonna need to be in my chambers alone.

 **Sera popping up out of nowhere:** The start of every sexual story!

 **Cullen:** SERA NO

 

 

 **Viviene:** Someone get me food, like fancy food.

 **Iron Bull:** No, I'm not your slave.

 **Viviene:** You're right. You're Dorian's.

 **Iron Bull:** wow

 **Krem:** PFFT

 

 

 **Inquistor:** I am not! Shut up you cock!

 **Sera, drunk:** I'm a cock? Cock-a-doodle-doo

 **Inquistor:** Leave.

 

 

 **Iron Bull, drunk:** Tis the season to fuck a tree Lalala la la la

 **Cassandra:** What the fuck? Bull? NO!

 

 

 **Sera:** Why do you fuck trees, Bull?

 **Sera, realizing, excited:** Are you the lorax?!

 

 

  **Inquistor staring at a collection of horses:** I literally am really about to collect horses.

 **Josephine staring at the Inquistor:**...

 **Inquistor:** I'm gonna fucking do it

 **Inquistor:** I'm gonna become a horse girl

 **Inquistor:** Wait.

 

**Josephine looking at letters:**

**Inquistor rushes through the door with Sera, Iron Bull, and Dorian behind her:** ITS PRIDE MONTH MOTHERFUCKER AND I AM THE ULTIMATE GAY

 **Josephine:** why

 

 **Inquistor talking to Iron Bull:** Hey so I had a dream Josephine was flirting with me and she kept flirting with me but I didn't realize.

 **Iron Bull:** mhm.

 **Inquistor:** Anyways, I was on some thing with her and she was asleep next to me and I literally just like started speaking to you through a gap and it was 6 am, and thats how I knew it was a dream. You won't wake up that early.

 

 **Cullen:** Do you ever get up and hear all your bones cracking?

 **Leliana:** Yes.

 

 **Inquistor:** THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME IM FIGHTING HIS BITCH ASS

 **Inquistor:** HE WON'T DIE

 **Sera:** Who?

 **Inquistor:** RED LYRUIM LOOKING ASS FACE BITCH 

 **Sera:** Oh

 

 **Sera, arguing with Solas:** IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M HORNY FOR GIRLS

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Dragon Age 2

**Isabela:** I watched teletubbies an entire class period.

 **Hawke:** Why...?

 **Isabela:** We had computers and I looked it up.

  

 

 **Merrill:** You said you'd stay up. :(

 **Hawke:** I lied. Good night.

 

 

 **Isabela:**  Hoe, that is my left. That's the one I asked.

 **Aveline:** B O T T O M L E F T

 **Isabela:**  CAN YOU READ

 **Aveline:**  DO YOU KNOW YOUR LEFTS AND RIGHTS? BOTTOMS AND TOPS?

**Varric and Hawke snickering in the background.**

 

 

 **Isabela:**  Oh my fucking god.

 **Aveline:** Fight me. You know what? Suck a dick.

 **Isabela:** I will, bitch. 

 

 

 **Varric:** 666, daddy satan

 **Isabela:** 696969

 **Aveline:** Oh my god.

 **Hawke:** Nice.

 

 

 **HOF:** My mabari ran over to me today, farted, and then ran away. 

 **Hawke:** Mine jumped into my lap so he could burp into my face. 

  

 

 **Merrill** : These pants are tight.

 **Isabela:** MERRILL

 **Merrill:** What?

 

 

 **Isabela:** I read that as panties.

 **Merrill: :** DDD

 **Aveline:** ISABELA

 **Fenris:** ISABELA YOU IDIOT

 **Varric:** Nice.

 **Carver:** ISABELA N O

 

 

 **Isabela:** I'm cold.

 **Aveline:** Put more clothes on.

 **Hawke:** Title of Aveline's sextape!

 **Aveline:**  Fuck you. 

 

 

 **Isabela staring at Hawke:** I'm just your favorite person, aren't I?

 **Hawke holding up a paper filled with different pencil marks and a random phone number:** You totally are.

 

 

 **Varric:** I had to pee really bad.

 **Hawke:** Why do you always give me so much information?

 

 

 **Isabela talking about the greek god Priapus:** It'd be easier to switch to porn than explain why you're looking at that

 **Isabela:** All hail the dick god

 **Varric:** Who needs a dildo when you have this

 

 

 **Hawke reading about Priapus:** A THREAT AGAINST THIEVES 

 **Hawke now standing on a chair:** HE USES HIS ENORMOUS DICK TO WHACK THEM

 

 

 

 **Isabela staring at Hawke:** I'm not trying to be best friends, I'm trying to get in your pants

 

 

 

 


End file.
